Sunday Scramble: 3-7-10

Welcome kids, to another edition of the Sunday Scramble!

I honestly don't have too much to write about this week.  Yeah, I do believe I just heard a whole bunch of you sigh in relief.  Okay, so I tend to be a little wordy at times.  Okay, most times.  Bite me, okay?

So, the other night at dinner, Strudel was sitting at my side like a good girl (why is she good at the times that most normal dogs are not?) and I said to Jimmy, "Your daughter needs to be fed."

Jimmy:  They're at the table eating right now!

Me:  No, your other daughter.  The furry one.

Jimmy:  She's not my daughter, she's my dog.

Me:  No, just a few weeks ago we were talking about her and you told me how you love her so much that she's like one of your kids.

Jimmy:   Well yeah, but not my daughter!

Madison:  Fine daddy, then she'll be your dogger!

What can I say?  The kid is quick.

Mikayla has a new favorite word.  Biffle.  Yes, you read that correctly, although really, it's just BFFL, an acronym for Best Friends For Life.  But I swear to you, it gives me the giggles every time she says, "Strudel, are you my biffle?"  "Mommy, you wanna be my biffle?"  I mean, say it a few times.  It's a funny word!

Jimmy traveled to San Francisco again this week.  The guys had some free time so took a drive over the Golden Gate bridge.

 

Bastard, right?

Yeah well, they got rear-ended at the end of the bridge, so it's all good now.

They even stopped at Muir Woods.  Remember this picture from my last post?

You guessed it.  That's Muir Woods.

Bastard, right?

So last night while driving through the neighborhood on my way back from the Hess station, I noticed an armadillo walking on the side of the road.  You know me.  I had to stop the car, roll down the window and stare at him.  But then the dumbass started walking toward my car.  I'm thinking, oh great, he's going to walk right under my car and then I'll be stuck here, in the middle of the road, until he decides to get his armored ass out the other side.  I do believe these critters are blind as bats.

But obviously not deaf, because as soon as I stuck my head out of the window and said, "Well hello, little 'dillo!" He took off for the golf course.

And that's the end of my 'dillo story.

Tuesday night I picked up some Chinese food for me and the girls.  I like my food pretty spicy, so the chick at the restaurant usually throws in one of those tiny containers of what they call hot and oily.  Just warm oil with red pepper flakes soaked in.

Well, I ate my dinner, never using the oil.  While I was straightening up the kitchen I heard something being chomped on.

Yeah, you guessed right.

Strudel ate it.

She not only lapped up all the oil but she ate every flake of hot red pepper too!  Stupid, idiotic, deranged dog.  Would you believe it didn't even give her the squirts?  If I'd eaten that much of the stuff (I just drizzle some on) I'd be pooping fire for days.

I now have definitive proof, that while men can sometimes be amusing, at the very core of it, they're, well, idiots.

Yay!  My Aunt Barbara and Uncle David are coming down here next month from Utah!  I'm soooo happy about it because I haven't seen them since 2004!  Some of you know of uncle David from Facebook.  He's the one always picking on me, calling me fat and unhealthy (in his own roundabout way) and telling me to get rid of that dog!  I honestly don't know why I love the man, much less even like him, but dammit, I do.  He kinda grows on you.  Sure, it's a growth similar to fungus, but still.  He's Mi Familia. (like that?  Too much Mafia Wars, I'm telling you.  You'd better just hope, for his sake, that next month I don't tell you that I iced him) 

Oh crap, he reads my blog.  He's going to be mad at me now.  Rut roh.  I'm in for it.  He'll probably write up a dissertation on nitrites and the evil of red meat and make me memorize it.  And, not only is he a reformed smoker but, he's also a reformed fatty.  Being that I'm non-reformed on both counts, can you imagine the constant lecturing I'm going to have to suffer through?

Okay my peeps, I obviously wasn't at much of a loss for words.  So I lied!  Bite me, k?

And when you're done taking a humongous bite of my hiney, leave a comment, then link up your scrambled post!  I love reading them!

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

Reflections

This has never happened to me before.  I was laying in bed, in that state of half sleep/ half awake when an image popped into my head.  An image of bare feet on wet stones.  From there it turned into the following.  Please keep in mind that I am in no way a writer, and most especially not a fiction writer.  But it is what it is and I had to write it down.  Once I read it to Mikayla, she convinced me to post it.  So, here goes.

REFLECTIONS

Barefoot, she silently padded along the wet stone path, ancient boughs reaching out above her, shielding her from the sharp needles of a heavy rain.

She is surrounded and embraced by the greens and browns of the forest, damp and pungent, the earthy scents filling her being with nature's miracles.

Birdsong brings a smile to her rosy lips as she imagines the birds are singing just for her, urging her forward down this meandering path as if toward her destiny.  The air is cool but she feels no discomfort.  She realizes that her clothes must be wet, and they should be heavy and sticking to her skin, but instead she feels silk and satin against her body.

With each seemingly weightless step she takes, her toes press into the slick stone, memorizing each vein and crack as if they were a map leading her to her destination, her future.  What should have been an ordinary walk through a beautiful woods is something else entirely, this much she can somehow sense.

A gentle breeze caresses her face, bringing with it the sweet smell of unseen flowers hiding among the green of the woods.  She cannot see them but she can picture them in her mind and loves them for their very existence.  Here in the forest there is the eternal cycle of life and death, and life again, renewed.

In the distance she spies something standing in the center of her pathway, small, but blocking the way to her final destination, her future, her truth.  Her easy gait falters; she is suddenly unsure of her journey.  Feeling overwhelmed she pivots on her toes, her intention to follow the stone path back to its beginning.  But to her surprise, the path has disappeared, in its place the forest, dark and impenetrable, surrounding her on all sides but one.

Now fearful, she turns back to her original direction and sucks in a quick breath, for there, before her, is an owl of such breadth and height as to be other-worldly.  Standing motionless, his golden eyes large, perfectly round, he gazed back at her knowingly.  She sensed that he was looking beyond her physical self, perhaps glimpsing her very soul.

Disconcerted, yet oddly comforted by the owl's presence, she took a moment to study him as he was studying her.  Larger than any owl she had ever seen, she gazed with wonder upon his snowy white feathers, wanting to rub her cheeks across their silky softness.  As if sensing her curiosity, the owl lifted and unfurled his wings, impressing her with their immense length. 

He gathered his wings to him once again and turned his head 180 degrees, as if to show off his incredible ability.  When once again he turned his regal head to face her, it was not his golden coin eyes she was looking into any longer, but instead, a reflection of herself.  It was as if the owl's eyes had turned into a mirror, but one of magic, because the image she now saw of herself was vastly different than the woman she had glimpsed in her mirror that very morning.

Gone were the flaws that marked her skin, leaving her face unlined and glowing with youth.  Gone were the many extra pounds of flesh, her body now beautifully rounded and curved, but healthy.  She also felt an inner peace, her heart filled to overflowing with love given and received unconditionally.

She was beautiful.  Both inside and out.  For the first time in her life she felt total comfort within herself.  Never did she want to break this image of herself; she longed to sit here with this owl for all time, for it was only here that she could ever be this happy, this content.

The owl blinked once, and when his eyes opened once more, she saw something new in the reflection, something she was sure had not been there before.  Standing behind her was a man, tall and broad, wavy black hair flowing beautifully in the soft breeze.  His eyes were of turquoise seas, clear and bright, looking directly into those of the owl.  One of his long-fingered hands rested lightly, gently, on her shoulder, their only physical connection.

Suddenly confused, she shouted out, "I don't understand any of this!  Why is this happening to me?"

And amazingly the owl answered her plea.

"You have come on this journey for a reason.  You thought yourself unworthy of love and beauty and refused to see that you have always possessed these traits.  I lured you here in the guise of a dream to show you what your future could be if only you believed in yourself .

The reflection you've seen in my eyes, the feelings of peace and love, have not been of your own perspective.  The man behind you.  This is what he sees, what he feels when he looks at you.  In his eyes you are utter perfection and truest love.  You are his every dream, his sole desire, the half that completes him.

The man behind you?  He is your future, if only you are brave enough to believe it is so."

Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!

Sunday Scramble 2-28-10

Not too sure about this one.  I usually have my SS ready to roll by Thursday or so, but this week I've been completely discombobulated and lost my SS mojo some time around Tuesday.

One reason is Mafia Wars/Farmville.  In order to get my nice big seeder on FV, I have to level up 5 times on Mafia Wars.  Since I don't normally play that game I've been going nuts trying to figure it out so I can level up quickly.  I've been declaring wars, "icing" enemies and making numerous visits to the hospital with horrible injuries.  Blood everywhere.  You can't see it, but you know you're just gushing copious amounts of it all over the place.

It's such a pleasant game.

Last night we went to our community's free comedy night up at the clubhouse.  Lots of our neighbors were there, of course, and we laughed until our faces hurt.

The opening act was funny, but our headliner was hysterical.  I think it's totally nuts that we got a comedian who's done Caroline's and HBO to come to our neighborhood.  Johnny Mac rocked!!!

 

We even had a taco bar catered by our local Mexican restaurant, plus drinks, including beer and margaritas. Can't beat the price of free for a show and food!

Last week's visit with the family was completely fabulous but there's too much to tell you about for a Scramble post.  If I ever get my act together I'll be able to tell you of such things as paper texts shoved under hotel room doors, observations of the many people with Brachydachtyly Type D that were in one room, my brother caressing wild animals on his iphone, and Mikayla's stripper name.

Me and my nephew, the thespian, Jonny.  Why did he have to blink just as the picture was taken?  And why can't he smile with teeth showing?

As soon as I'm done here I'm going upstairs to throw out that bra.  Droopy, squashed- looking boobies.  Me no likey.

A couple of days after our family thing Mikayla said to me, "Two days with all those Italians.  I'm pretty sure that's why I've got this headache."

I killed a scorpion yesterday.  Squished him with a paper plate.

But of course I took a picture for you first!

 

I'm experiencing the Wal*Mart DTs.  In an effort to try and curb spending, I've kept far from the crack house of Wal*Mart for nearly a month.  I don't know how much longer I can last though.

Might take a drive up there tonight on the pretense of needing kitty litter.

Just recently I've realized that polka dots make me happy.  I think I picked up this rare condition from BJ because if she's not singing the praises of Mackenzie Childs, then she's probably squealing like a sissy girl over her polka dots.  

No no no, not on her person.... she didn't have the pox the last time I looked.

She's just got all these great polka dotted dishes and mugs and stuff and each time I saw a picture it would make me smile.

So, while browsing Home Goods with Chessie and Michael last weekend I couldn't help but gravitate toward the dotty mugs.  I love coffee and I love the dots now too, so I can't think of a better combination.  I wanted at least two of the red ones, but dammit, they only had one.  So, I got one red and one black.  I excitedly walked through the store to find the gang and show them my prize.

Big mistake.  Jimmy bitched and whined at me because I was spending 8 whole dollars on mugs.  Mugs!  Can you imagine?  I've already got a ton of mugs, right?  Well yes I do, but not red polka dotted mugs dammit!

He tried to convince me to put them back, but I would not be deterred.  I took my mugs to the register and proudly forked out $8 plus tax.  And ya know what?  My mugs make me happy!  Happy I say!

Coffee + good book + red polka dot mug = Happy Justiney!

So when I got in the shower today I realized I'd forgotten to grab a new bar of soap.  No way was I getting out of the shower to run naked and dripping wet across the cold, slippery tile to get some either.  So what's a girl to do?

I washed my body with shampoo, that's what!  Sure, it's an inconvenience to pick the bottle up and put it down numerous times (hey, I've got a large body to soap up here!) but there are some up-sides to it.

• I left the shower smelling like soothing lavender.  

• My skin felt especially moisturized.

• And my pubes have extra body and are perfectly pH balanced today.

Okay, link up my peeps!  But please, leave a comment first.  I've been feeling so comment deprived lately.  I've even contemplated quitting the blog for a while, until I think about the whole bunch of you that are so loyal to me and, I decide I just couldn't do it.





Pssst! If you love me, you might love my stupid sister more. Go visit her at Jill's Believe it or Not, and tell her I sent you!